Lean Into It

There is a song by Little Big Town that has always meant so much to me – but never as much as it does now in this season of my life.  A few weekends ago my husband and I took a much needed trip to the beach.  After several weeks of health problems and 3.5 years of wondering when my boys will come home to us from Haiti, I’m exhausted.  I’m weak.  I’m frustrated.  I’m sad.  I’m powerless.

I walked out into the ocean.   Todd played around in it, just letting the waves hit him and roll over like they were high-fiving him.  He shouted, “Isn’t this great? I just want to give this whole ocean a hug!”  I laughed.  And then I just got angry.  How can he be so happy getting knocked over?  I can hardly stand here and not get bulldozed by these huge waves rolling in. I can’t get my footing – can’t get grounded.  And I certainly don’t want to wade any further out.  Why can’t I be more like him?
 
Then I decided I’m not supposed to be more like him.  He’s not supposed to be more like me.  We have our own experiences.  I just needed to stand there and look out over that big ocean and let my tears feel free to fall.  I needed to keep digging my heels into the sand and lean into those waves and feel their beautiful force and to feel the beautiful force within me pushing back.  It wasn’t my playground like it was for Todd, but it was my sanctuary.  It was my place to let every emotion just roll back out with the tide.  It was my place to be reminded I just gotta lean into it.
 
check out the song by clicking here

Chorus:
There’s a strong wind blowing
I push on
It pushes back

It’s a hard time
But I know I’ll get through it
Just gotta lean into it

from the album The Reason Why
Written by Kimberly Schlapman, Phillip Sweet, Karen Fairchild, Jimi Westbrook